At the beginning of your second half journey, you’ll have a lot of questions. Let me go down the list of some of them and let’s see if I’ve hit any of the proverbial nails on the head.
Possible midlife questions:
And of course they are all wrapped neatly into this last one:
There is so much to unpack here. But before we get to the unpacking – let’s get clear on what exactly needs to be unpacked.
Welcome, my friend, to “The Clarity Cure.”
The Clarity Cure took me over a year to get through. I know that people like to talk to you about “five-minute abs” and “three simple steps” and all that stuff. But if you ask any workout junkie what they think about “five-minute abs,” they’ll laugh in your face. True abs don’t happen in five minutes – and neither does clarity.
My missteps made me take a lot longer to get clear than I needed to take. Now I’m not saying that the steps that I’m going to share with you are going to make you The Flash or something like that, but I am sure that skipping my missteps will get you to your own clarity a lot faster than I did.
No matter how long it takes, be willing to give it all the time that it needs.
All things that are worth doing take time – Yasiin Bey
Nawal El Saadawi was born in 1931. As a kid, she was told who she could be, where she could go, and what she could do. Egypt back then wasn’t a great place for self-discovery for women and definitely not for little girls.
However, without that environment, the world would’ve never known the powerhouse writer who would become the founder of the Arab Women’s Solidarity Association.
Nawal El Saadawi became a doctor at 23. Her clarity cure would come more than twenty years later, at what she would call one of her lowest points. At fifty, Saadawi was thrown in prison for standing up for women’s rights. Her forced moment of solitude led to a clarity that created a North African icon. Man’s rejection is always God’s protection.
The oppression and limited access to things led to the growth of her “I’ll show you better than I can tell you” gene just like mine did back in that 80’s Buick Station wagon.
Her groundbreaking book Memoirs from the Women’s Prison was written while she was incarcerated. The craziest part is that she didn’t know if it would ever get out. She didn’t know if she would ever get out. Take that in for a minute. Nawal El Saadawi, the courageous feminist author and civil rights leader had been imprisoned by the government and President Anwar Sadat for crimes against the state and she didn’t know if she would ever be released.
“In prison, I learned what I had not learned in the College of Medicine. The gecko had crawled over my body, and nothing had happened to me. Cockroaches had run over me and nothing had happened.”- El Saadawi
She was only released as a result of President Sadat being assassinated, for all she knew, her push against the oppression of women had landed her in prison for life.
I was born in the US. In the south in the 1970’s. My parents were alive during segregation and the civil rights movement. The fact that people tried to deny them things that should’ve been normal human rights made us unstoppable. Even to this day I’m grateful for my parent’s lessons of persistence and never give up. In a strange way I’m also grateful for all the haters that have tried to deny me. They made me stronger and so have yours.
True Story: One summer in the 1980’s we were driving to see my mom’s family in Mississippi. I was probably around nine or ten or something like that. It was late at night and we were driving through to get there faster. At least that’s what my parent’s said. It was my parents, so I never thought twice about it. Greenbook anyone?
In those days the station wagon was king. Chevy Chase and those guys did a movie called National Lampoons vacation. It had a station wagon in it. Our station wagon was better, same wood paneling on the side, but better. Ours was a Buick Lasabre Station Wagon so there Chevy! Who knows what theirs was. Anyways, on this particular night I couldn’t sleep. I was excited about seeing my cousins. My mom was awake and so was my dad.
My little sisters were asleep in the back. I was looking out the window and minding my own business when a police car pulled up next to us. Just as it got along side of us, they shined their spotlight into our car. I’d never seen my dad that worried. My mom was worried too.
Why the police would feel the need to shine a spotlight into a car with a family was beyond me. Anyways, I was looking out the back passenger side window at the whole thing. The officer must have spotted me because he slowed down so that the spotlight would be shining in my face. Imagine thinking that it’s a good idea to shine your police car spotlight into the face of a kid in the back of a prime quality station wagon on his way to see his cousins. HA!
He must’ve been jealous. Maybe he wanted to see the luxury and style we were riding in. Maybe he hadn’t seen such a high-class primo ride like ours on his section of the Mississippi interstate.
Well, whatever it was it was rude. Even as a kid it felt like he was trying to intimidate us. I’m a Virgo so, I was here for it. I stared directly into that light like it was a game of chicken and I wasn’t blinking. We rode like that for what felt like a good five to ten minutes and then the police car slowed down and pulled away. Without that test of will and without other pushes against my humanity even at a young age I know that I wouldn’t have as much “let’s goo” as I do now.
Every challenge, naysayer, and hater who has challenged your life has also added to your ability to overcome. Remember that as we go forward. Thank you, Mississippi State Trooper. What might have been meant for my bad ended up being for my good.
Wallace “Wallo 267” Peeples writes this in his book Armed With Good Intentions.
“One thing that is very clear is that the solitude and structured time of reflection makes insanely successful people when they learn how to harness it.” – Wallo
Fortunately, you don’t have to go to prison to find your clarity.
You do, however, need to structure your time of mental solitude and I’m not talking about an hour or two. I’m talking Nawal El Saadawi “I don’t know when this is going to end, but I’m in it for the final result” kind of time. Now… you don’t have to lock yourself away in a tower, so chill out. However, you do have to follow the following three steps.
Unlike Ms. Nawal El Saadawi your clarity will not require roaches, geckos, and prison walls. You’re welcome. Let’s begin.
Step 1 – The Clarity Cure
#1 – Turn It All Off!
The first step is peace and quiet. The goal is to create solitude and time for your own voice to speak. Your mind knows exactly what to do. You just need to give it time to share with you your own clarity. So…get off all social media, turn off phone alerts, turn off the radio when you drive to and from places. Turn it all off!
(For those of us old enough to remember a time before cell phones, it’s going to feel like that. Can you believe we used to leave the house and be gone gone? Nobody could reach anybody until they got to landline or a pay phone. That’s crazy to think about. #rippayphones)
Clear your mental space from worrying about what other people are doing. Free your mind from worrying about what other people are thinking. A lot of us are rescuers. We tend to feel like we need to take care of others. Well, time to put away your cape Superman.
This time you’re rescuing yourself. No more…
– What is Joe working on today?
– Is Monique doing ok with her goals?
– Why is Katie in a bad mood today? Does she need something?
None of that. During this first step, your focus MUST be on you and you alone.
“Don’t worry ‘bout Rickey, don’t worry ‘bout Michael, don’t worry ‘bout Bobby baby. Just You and You.”
– Tony! Toni! Tone! (ish)
When you do this, you’ll start to hear your own voice – and that’s the first step to your own Clarity Cure.
Now… When you start to hear your own voice, ask yourself:
“What do I want to do with the second half of this thing called life?”
Once you start hearing some answers, write them down. Getting absolutely quiet is step one. Turn everything off! Then write down your top 3-5 answers to the “What Do I Want To Do” question. Got it? Good.
Step #2 – Don’t Ask Others.
“Don’t expect others to understand your calling. It wasn’t a conference call.”– Unknown
A big mistake that I made was asking other people their opinions on what I should do next with my life. The problem is that their answers will be based on the old you. Their solutions will be based on the First-Half-of-Life You. As you’ll see as you keep going through these steps, the First-Half You and the Second-Half You are not the same people. Trust your own inner voice first!
“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wished we didn’t.” – Erika Jong
The answer that you are looking for is inside you.
Step #3 – Try Everything
Make a list of the top three to five things that you might want to do and give yourself permission to try them all. Yup, you read that right. You owe it to yourself to know that you are going in the right direction, and the only way to do that is to try them all. This also prevents procrastination and thinking thinking. I did that too.
There’s no procrastination in doing. Start doing. Start trying. Pick one of the three to five on your list and start. Now, don’t try them all at once, but try them all. This is also why we don’t ask for other people’s opinions.
People are sticklers for the “How’s the _______ thing going?”
Friends and family can be experts in the “Oh you switched it up agains?”
And we can be the experts at feeling like we owe them an explanation. That fear of their disapproval can keep you from your greater yet-to-be.
Commit to being quiet, and commit to trying everything until YOU get clear.
Suggestion: Give EACH option 3-6 months of pure “all-in.” You might have to work it in around work and stuff, but like John Grisham, make those spare hours all in time. Trust me. You will know pretty darn fast which one is the way to go. Don’t be afraid to start over if you discover that what you thought would be a good idea – isn’t.
BONUS: The Oprah Bonus Clarity Cure Exercise:
I saw a commencement ceremony video where Oprah was talking about how she gets clear on her next steps when she feels a loss of clarity. Here’s her extra bonus step for you to use:
When you wake up in the morning, lie there for one minute with your eyes closed and say, “God, use me.” Then ask, “What would you have me to do?”
Trust the answer and take action. Your legacy awaits!
Your End of Chapter To-Do’s:
Put this book down and do not pick it back up until you are clear. Your clarity will be the key foundation you need to make the most out of this process. Do not move on without it. See you when you get clear – and not a minute before!
That means turn everything off. Ask yourself what you want to do. Try these things out for a couple months or so, and once you get clear on what you want to do come back.
When you come back, I’ve got a fun story to share about The Champ and this oblivious Twelve-Year-Old.
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This is by FAR THE hardest exercise of all of them, but once you get through this one you are home free! I know that you got this my friend! If I can do it ANYONE can do it! See you in the next chapter!
Oh and if you’d like the whole thing just click here to get your full how to find your next steps guide: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FW6CDYXT
Thanks everyone for your help! I hope this was helpful! – Troy
Troy Horne is a dad and a three-time best-selling author who’s sold over 297,000 copies of his books. He started his life as a professional musician, then became an entrepreneur, and the a Broadway star. His purpose in life is to help others see how their lives can be everything that they dream!
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