Middle Management – Chapter 1

Chapter 1 – What About Me?

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” – Maya Angelou

Y’all, it happened. We woke up one day, and we discovered that we were in the part of the journey called Midlife. You and I are both inhabitants of the magical mystical place called “older than you thought was cool and younger than your grandparents” (for now HA!) we can all scream together in 5,4,3,2,1… AAAHHHHH!!!!!

What happened? Where did the time go? Where did life go?

Right about now it’s really clear how the crisis talk is a thing. Oh yeah… It’s definitely a thing. In midlife, after you’ve done all the “goals stuff” and most of the things you were told you were supposed to do, you start to ask yourself what now? Do I still want to be doing what I’m doing? Am I wasting my life? Did I waste my life? Am I too late to go for it?

You might even harbor a little resentment for all the energy you’ve been giving away to other people’s goals and dreams. That could sound something like this, “I’ve been taking care of everyone else and everything else. What about me? What about the things that I wanted to do, but I never did?”

Panic can start to set in when you find yourself wondering, “What do I really want to be when I grow up?” Panic happens because when you really think about it, most of us don’t know.

You’ve taken care of the kids, you paid the mortgages, you’ve mowed the lawns, you graduated from the schools or dropped out like I did, you washed the dishes, you’ve taken out the laundry, you drove your kids and sometimes other people’s kids around to all the games and activities, and maybe you’ve even earned some extra money to buy something after you paid the bills!

Seems like you do X, Y, and Z and over ten years go by.

Then your forties arrive and all the things that you felt you had to take care of, the people, the job, and all the other adulting things that you were obligated to are no longer obligated to you. You start to realize that there are some “YOU” things that you put on the back burner for all those responsibilities and now you want to put them on the front. I mean, it seems like everyone else is putting their goals and dreams at the front.

(Side note: Of course they are. That’s what you taught them. You showed them that their needs were primary. They’re just doing what you showed them. Don’t hate the playa hate the game. You did this.)

Because of all the to-do’s getting to-done you feel like you’re behind. Mostly because your to-do’s didn’t quite make the get it to-done list. Am I right or am I right?!?

You feel like you wasted time. You might also feel like you can’t just do that thing you’ve always wanted to do. At your age, that would be highly irresponsible. No matter how hard you try to reason with yourself that everything’s ok, it’s all good, it’s all going out workout. You can’t seem get rid of that “Uh-Oh” feeling in your gut.

Enter me, the guide to your own version of YOUR successful second half. Someone who’s been where you are and made it out alive. Let me tell you that the journey ahead is not easy, but it is doable. I wrote this book for you so that you won’t have to go through all the things that I had to go through to get here.

Where’s here you ask, oh… It’s called “Clarity Land for The Over 40 Crowd”. It’s a long name, but it’s a happy place so we inhabitants roll with it. I’m determined to help you down your own yellow brick road to your midlife Oz. The Emerald City awaits and it awaits for you!

Now, the common questions for those who start down this path are…

• “Is it too late?” and “Am I too old?”
• The short answer is no. The long answer is “It’s not that simple”.
• The first thing you have to understand is this…

“You are the love of your life!” – Viola Davis

Not all the things that you’ve been putting first. YOU! You are the love of your life. There is a great video on the bonus download that comes with this book. In the video Viola Davis says that she had to learn that she was the love of her life. I’ll give you a link to that in a minute, but before you go downloading the free bonus guide and all that jazz. You MUST understand this.

Your first obligation before moving down this yellow masonry masterpiece towards your second half is to make sure that YOU are ok. In this part of life YOU have to be the most important person to YOU. Not your spouse, not your friends, not your family, YOU!

Storytime…

There I was sitting in the room with someone who had given to literally everyone that she knew. Believe me when I say that my mom was beyond generous to lots of people. Many of whom we’d just met and often at our own expense. However, despite her huge heart and her incredible generosity towards others, I was the only one in the room with her when she took her last breath. Even in her final moments she was giving to me. Even in her final moments she was teaching me. She was teaching me that you leave this world just like you came in.

By yourself.

However, Katie Horne wasn’t finished there. Do you know how many people came to her funeral? Just her kids, a couple of people that she’d just met, our spouses and our kids, my dad, and two of his brothers. No friends, no cousins, none of the people she’d given to when she didn’t have it, not even any of her brothers or sisters. NONE of them.

I still remember how we used to feverishly clean the house when people were coming to visit. I still remember how we had to leave the chicken legs for the guests and then after they fixed their plates, we could grab the pieces that were left. (It’s a southern thing. You might not understand. HA!) I still remember how presentable everything had to be for people who kept it moving when it was time to give back. I’m telling you that to tell you this.

My friend, your second half of life is for you. Now is the time for you to really meet and get to know the love of your life. Yourself. It’s also time for you to care for them.

“The only thing constant is change.”- African Proverb

One other thing I want you to wrap your little head around before you go any further. In today’s world, things change a lot faster than they did back when we were kids. The trend cycles are shorter than they’ve ever been, and they will continue to get shorter with advances in ai. However, never fear. Underdog is here!

Things are changing quickly and they are going to keep change at lightning speed. You are going to need to be open to changing with them and quickly. I have a secret to share with you, my fellow Midlifer that most writers won’t share. You and I are the perfect generation for this amazing time of rapid change.

We are the last and only generation to know what life is like off grid and on. We are the only generation to know what life was like before the internet and after the internet. We are the last generation to know what it’s like to get things literally “out the mud”.

(Big apologies to my G.I. Joe action figures. You probably still have dried mud in places people wouldn’t believe. Sorry. You really were and are troopers.  )

Speaking of getting things “out the mud”.

When I was younger “The Facts of Life” (yes the television show) had an episode about latch key kids. Hollah if you remember that episode. For those of you who don’t…

On this particular episode they wanted us to know the dangers of being a kid who came home to an empty house. They played the sad music. The actors had all the concerned faces and all the things. The tone was set. Something bad was happening or was about to happen. This little girl on the show had to go home and let herself in because her mom had to work. She was living the “hard life” of a… DUN…DUN…DUUUUUN! Latchkey kid.

When my sisters and I realized what was going on… OH HOW WE LAUGHED!” Ms. Garret and the crew were concerned because this little kid was taking care of herself after school. WE laughed because WE realized, thanks to Tootie, Blair, Natalie and Joe that WE were latch key kids! When our parents got home, we told them of the injustice they were putting us through. It was quite the fun time.

(Sidenote: My parents’ laughs were probably from not knowing what to do with the new information that they were somehow “failing” their kids. The 80’s was super judgmental. IYKYK. Our laughs came from realizing that they, the Facts of Life producers, clearly didn’t know that 80’s kids were a different breed.)

Listen, as a latch key kid, my sisters and I learned how to cook, clean, and take care of things around the house that help me to this day.

“To This DAY!” – Deyonte Wilder

Funny latchkey kid story: One summer my sisters and I even had to call the cops on this random guy who started breaking into our house via the roof. There we were, home alone during the summer, minding our own latchkey kid business when some random guy rings the doorbell. Of course, we don’t answer because latchkey kid rule #1 states and I quote, “don’t answer the door to random strangers.”

He keeps ringing the door bell and not going away. This dude proceeds to climb onto the roof and start “working” on the shingles on our roof or whatever. So, we call the police.

The cops show up, get the guy off the roof, and he tells them and us that he had the wrong house. He said that he was supposed to be working on the house down the street. RIIIIIIGHHHT! I can still see his long brown hair and piercing green eyes. HA!

I don’t know about you, but to this day I’ve NEVER seen a one-man roofing crew. Latchkey kids 1 – Random guy trying to break into houses via the roof. – 0

That’s who we are. We are the protect the house get things done generation. That’s you. That’s me. That’s we. My friend, it’s time to get things done again. This time for you.

I get it. Life gets weird when the songs from your youth are playing on the Old School R & B station. It’s eye-opening when the shows that you remember from your childhood joke about things that nobody under 30 would understand. It’s alarming when celebrities your age die of natural causes and people say… “She really had a great life” and not #gonetoosoon.

Throw in a couple nostalgic videos on social media of 80’s malls and kids in high school in the 90’s and it can freak you the flip out!

“That was how long ago?” – You say to yourself.

“I’m not ready to get off the ride of life quite yet.” – You think. “There are things that I still want to do. There are places that I still want to go. (For me it’s Accra. I’ve GOTTA see Ghana and the continent. GOTTA!)

Then as you start to make your plans to do those things that you just gotta do, the “how are you gonna do that’s” set in.

Boxed in by duty and responsibility, you start to feel trapped. You also know that you ain’t no spring chicken as my dad used to say. Plus, part of you knows that there is no way you’re getting off this ride called life without at least trying to do some of the things that you’ve always wanted to do.

“What do you do when the world tells you that you can’t because you’re too old or you have to many responsibilities or whatever…?

You do what all of us Midlifers do when someone triple dog dares us. You figure it out, write a book about it, and leave it out like buried treasure for other Goonies to find.

This book is your second half treasure map, my friend. The gold is at the end and let me tell you it’s UH-MAZING. If you thought the first half of life was good. Wait until you see what’s possible in your second half. Here we go!

“I’ll see you on the other side of the war.”- Marquis De Lafayette – Hamilton the Musical

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Welcome to the midlife journey my friend! If you’ve found yourself in transition this is going to be a read that you’re really going to enjoy. Maybe you’ve been laid off, maybe you’ve felt a little lost lately, maybe you just want to do something new with your life and you don’t know how. 

Don’t worry, I wrote this book for you. I know exactly how you feel because I went through all the things that come with a new midlife direction. So… Take a a listen to the rest of the free chapters and if you want continue the journey just click here:

Or here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FW6CDYXT

See you on the other side!